How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
