Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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