Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
