All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
