I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
