He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
