Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
