whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
