Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
