you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
