i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
