Whatcha textin bout Willis?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
