69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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