Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
