WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
