When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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