don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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