dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this boner is exhausting
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You are the jesus of drinking
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
