He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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