I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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