Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
