You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We got so high we made milksteak
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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