i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
