I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize