Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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