I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
