Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
