So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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