broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
