Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
