Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
