Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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