Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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