You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He has the fingertips of a God
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
