I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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