Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
