I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
