I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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