I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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