I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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