my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
