Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
