We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
