So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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