So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
