I'm going to jail i love you
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Enjoy the penises
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
