she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize