somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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