OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
