I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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