I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
