every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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