Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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