I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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