first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
