I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
