I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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