Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he thought i was a dude.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
