Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
