found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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