I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
