So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
