Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
