Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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