Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
