a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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