take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
