SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't deserve a penis
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
