why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dignity is for republicans.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
